Grief. One word that holds so much depth.
I’ve been a high school English teacher for the last 10 years. I tend to
associate things, words, life, to what I’m learning and/or teaching, yet there’s nothing to draw from when it comes to Grief... I’m on my own on this one. Yet, I was thinking about Grief and what it feels like/reminds me of, and then I hear Cole ask, "Momma, can we watch the Grinch?"
The Grinch is: unkind, nasty, malicious, unfair, cruel, and people fear him. The Grinch is not wanted or welcomed in Whoville; just like Grief is not wanted or welcomed in life. And like the Grinch was able to find his way into Whoville, Grief found its way into my life.
In Whoville, the Grinch is not to be thought of or talked about in any capacity. No one dare says his name, and when someone does, their world stops. The Grinch takes joy; Grief takes joy.
Yet when the little Whos learn who the Grinch really is, he isn’t as bad as they thought. The Grinch was always talked about, but the Whos didn't truly know who the Grinch was, and no one knew how to deal with him.
Could this be Grief too? Do we really know who/what Grief is?
I think this is important to sit and think about…
One of the first quotes that was sent to me was, “Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give but cannot. All of the unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and that hollow part of your chest. Grief is love with no place to go.”
When I look at Grief like that light, isn’t it really just love?
I choose to see Grief as love I still wanted to give Sadie. When I cry, I’m crying out to God to assure Sadie how much we loved her, how much she is missed by Daddy, Mommy, Michael, and Cole. How much God is using her story of GOODNESS in this fallen world. I HOPE she sees this from her view in Heaven.
This isn’t a life I asked for, but it was a life I was CHOSEN for. There is not one speck of doubt that God chose me for this- this life is HIS plan, not mine. I would like to ask Him, “why me?” when I get to Heaven, but it won’t matter when I see Sadie through the pearly gates.
So, to me, it comes down to this...
When you face loss, you face grief. But you have a choice as to how Grief looks in your life.
I can’t lie and say it doesn’t hurt because the pain is indescribable... but so is God’s love.
I can’t tell you that Grief gets better because it just changes… but so is the way God will carry you through your grief. The way he has carries me looks different now than it did 5 months ago.
I can’t tell you that it’s easy… but the life God chose for you isn’t easy either.
So, what will you choose do with your Grief?
I choose to see Grief as love for Sadie. I cry, I feel, I love.
I cry… but I only cry for a little bit.
I feel pain… I sit in my pain to feel the hurt because I gain strength from that; then, I choose to remember her sweet smile and sassy personality that drew everyone in.
I love Sadie. I always will. Which means… my grief will always be with me.